I Told God No! from Debbie Redford

This is one of my favorite stories.  I shared this story when Brent and I spoke at the International Association of Near Death Studies Annual Conference in Scottsdale last month.

I experienced a great deal of abuse of all kinds in my childhood. During a violent assault when I was five years old, the emotion along with the pain was simply too much to bear. As I felt my heart break, I left this world.

Suddenly I found myself in a different place. The sadness I felt soon dissipated as a calm peacefulness overcame me. I was wearing a beautiful white dress with short puffy sleeves. I became aware that a group of people had gathered in a large circle around me, and everyone was dressed in white and reflected light, each to varying degrees.

He is coming!”

Who?” I wondered.

The light came close enough that I could see a figure inside it. I realized that the light was, in fact, radiating from the individual.

I heard names being reverently spoken around me, “Rabboni.” “Messiah.” “Savior.” The being of light glided majestically through the corridor of people toward me. I felt that I could see into his soul, into eternity. I knew he could see into mine.

Your body has died too soon. You are not intended to be here yet. You have not completed your mission on earth. You need to go back.”

His words kindled panic in my five-year-old self. “Go back? Oh no! I’m not going back there,” I cried. “I want to stay here. Why can’t I stay here? What did I do wrong? Please tell me.”

You did nothing wrong. You are innocent. You need to raise your children.” He calmly stated.

It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t have any kids. I’m only five years old!”

He responded with the persistence of a loving parent. “That is why you need to return. When you grow up you will have children.”

Confused and curious, I listened as I was taught eternal truths about where I came from prior to my birth, including my promise to help my family end the cycle of abuse that had gone on for generations. Then I was reminded again about my children.

Let someone else have them,” I pleaded. “They don’t need me.”

Yes they do,” he continued. “You are their chosen mother. They wait for you. When you grow up and have babies these choice spirits will be your children. They want to be taught by you and help you through your life. These children love you now; they want to become part or your earthly family. You planned this and have worked toward your goal together. Do not disappoint them now. Your babies do not want another mother.”

At this point this Great Being shared eternal knowledge with me. So sweet was this information that mere words cannot convey what I experienced. It was somewhat like having intelligence downloaded straight into my soul. I was almost convinced that I needed to return and fulfill my mission.

We set out on another journey through space and time. This third realm did not have light shining on it, it was light! Everything I could see seemed alive with light. The longer I stayed, the more familiar this place felt. Feelings of homesickness enveloped me. I began to comprehend that I came from here. This was the place I lived before I went to earth. I had come home.

My escort guided me through a pre-mortal campus. Everything being taught had something to do with preparations to be born on earth. There were classes on the culture and language and the era of expected arrival on earth. Talents and gifts were being developed and improved.

Science and math of all varieties were taught. The great minds of the future were already in the making. A conservatory of music was provided. An assortment of paintings, sculptures and drawings was on exhibit near the center for fine arts. The gospel of the Son of God was also taught here.

Intelligence was a tangible thing. As each student acquired intelligence, light particles were being drawn into them. Love of learning was evident—learning, gaining intelligence and light thrilled me. I was fascinated by, and drawn to, this spirit university.

There is someone I want you to meet.” With a knowing smile he turned me around. That is when I saw them. Four ethereal beings were before me. They had the same translucent beauty to them as everything else I had seen. Something deep inside me stirred and I recognized my children-to-be.

The leader of the group was to be my first-born. He was tall, slender, bright, serious, handsome, and intent. The second was also male. He was slighter than the first, but only in size. This one had a twinkle in his eyes, a smile that stretched across his face and a look that said, “I know something.” The third was a girl, feminine and graceful. She sang without moving, like the plants in the garden. Energy was fairly bursting out of her. She looked worried. The fourth was smaller than the rest. She said nothing; she just wrapped herself around me and hugged me. I could feel that she had loved me for an eternity.

The first one touched my arm and communicated to me through his touch as well as telepathically. Andrew was anxious to be born on earth. I explained to him that someone else could be his mother and that it might be better for him anyway. He was insistent that he and his siblings wanted only me. If I did not go back it would frustrate plans and commitments we made with each other before I was born. I could not dissuade him. The other three were also trying to convince me that I should return because time was running out. The little one even began to tug on me in an effort to direct me to earth.

I could not understand their insistence that only I could be their earthly mother, nor could I comprehend how I was to even live long enough to accomplish it because of the abuse I endured on earth. I just knew that I had been told that I would. These four magnificent beings wanted me to be their mother and I could not deny them.

My friend touched my elbow drawing my attention away from my unborn children. “You must choose now.”

Isn’t there another way?”

Not if you want to fulfill the commitments you made with your children and others before you were born.”

I knew he was right. My children were urging me to proceed. A small crowd had gathered at the scene and they, too, were silently urging me to return to earth.

With reluctance I said goodbye to the children. I was led to what seemed to be an opening in space. I could see the world below me. I hesitated and turned to the one who had been with me throughout the journey. I longed to stay. “I’m scared,” I said to him. “You don’t know what it is like back there.”

Yes, I do.”

Those three words kindled a faint memory deep in my heart. I now understood the marks on His hands and feet. I realized who He was. I remembered that we both lived in this place with our Father before we were born. He had been to earth before me. He did know about my life.

With new understanding I said, “I will go.”

He turned me around and I was on my way. I felt myself being drawn through a funnel of swirling energy toward Earth. The next thing I knew, I was back in my body.

I was 5 years old and I had just been to heaven and back. I never entirely forgot the feeling of being loved by Jesus. That love kept me alive through a lifetime of abuse.

I am now the mother of four children. These children are the spirits that I met when I was 5 years old. They are the light and joy of my life. I am a private woman. This account is sacred to me. I have kept it in my heart. I share this memory now with the support of my family and close friends, in accordance with Heavenly Father’s will.7

Debbie returned and survived. Fulfilling one of her life missions, she has birthed and lovingly raised the children she met during her NDE/PBE. The chain of abuse has been broken. Future children in the family line now have a chance to grow up in peace and safety.


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